As of right now I am on my trek from Llanelli, Wales to Marseille, France.
The last few days have been very hard for me emotionally. Yesterday, I found out that a woman that used to be my neighbor, my mothers friend, the mother of my brothers best friend, just a great person to be around had passed away. I had recieved this news right after giving a presentation/speech on what I will be doing in Marseille.
My trainer took me aside to tell me this news. Before this, I was smiling and so full of joy, as I was ready for this new adventure. When she told me she recieved a email from my mother, I knew. There was something awfully wrong. She said there was a death. I laughed in her face because I couldn’t believe what she had just said. She told me the name and I stared at her. Just sat there staring at her. Then I just started to sob. It was true.
I fixed my hair, dried my tears, and drank the rest of my coffee. They told me to take as much time as I needed, I didn’t have to go to class.
I smiled at them, thanked them for their curtesys and went up stairs to my joined room. Once the door closed behind me I fell to my knees and sobbed again. Questions flooded my mind. My mother must be in pain. My family must be heartbroken. What can I do from so far away? Her children are now orphans. What will happen next? Why now?
I picked myself off the floor and went for a walk outside. I didn’t make it far, I hadn’t told my teammates yet. So I just sent them a text “I need your help…”. They came running, no coats on out into the cold wet weather of Llanelli. For over an hour we talked and prayed and ate cake and walked.
They supported me during this hard time.
Today, I talked with my bestfriend back home. She told me that her mother is in the hospital and has been there for awhile now. This broke me more. How can so much tragedy be happening when I am a ocean away, countries away, time zones away? There is nothing I can do.
One of my trainers came to me after hearing this news and told me that I was a strong person. She said that it showed real character for someone to pick themselves up and to just move forward. What she didn’t know is before she walked into the room I had been crying for a good 30 minutes. Kind of pitieing all of these situations.
I saw all of this because, yes, it is fun being overseas, it is fulfilling to serve the Lord, but it is also hard. You learn a whole new level of trust in the Lord.
You trust that he will put his arms around your family, since you can’t.
You trust that his ways are perfect and there is a time for all things. No, I do not know why. But I do know this, that my God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow and he loves his children dearly.
You, also, realize that life doesn’t stop when you leave. Things are constantly changing and growing. Babies being born, people getting sick, others getting married, people experiencing joys, and others experiencing sorrows.
There will be more challenges in France. I will miss things back home, but I will be finding new joys in new places.
Please, pray for my family, Jackie Haas’ Family, my bestfriends – Aliyah – mother, and me. Thank you.